here is my thesis paper so far... it still has a lot to go.

Describing the process of creating a body of work is difficult because I have a great number of influences coming from different directions. These influences are from other artists and works, music (which I’m listening to constantly), people I know, and the stories I’m told through these sources. I paint and draw to examine shades of grey literally and on paint, what can be done on canvas or paper, human interaction, binary opposites, people’s feelings about themselves and the way they treat others, monsters, to reflect my feelings about myself and those around me, and the morals of good stories.

I get very angry at other people’s negative actions, lack of critical thinking skills, ignorance, and apathy. I often feel disappointed, and feel like I have the personality of a bitter old man, joking about how I hate everyone. I’ve shared my canvas with characters are positive influences, and ones that I see as negative influences. I also examine myself critically in comparison to these characters. Am I good influence of a bad influence to those around me? Am I skinny as the girls in Hollywood? No, but do I have the brains and strength that I admire in historical figures? Maybe. Although it might be wrong of me to judge these people, I am also constantly judging myself. Recovering my own negative feelings towards myself, recovering from bulimia, and personal grudges towards people has lead me to releasing my energy in positive ways such as art, music, and running and weightlifting. I rely on these elements equally to keep me sane.

Growing up listening to punk and hardcore music, and being in those communities might have been the seed that planted my anger towards a lot of people, but it is also what helped me through my teenage years and is still helping me now. This music has an overall philosophy about lost faith in humanity, but lots of the music is also about helping each other, and making a positive difference in the world. This juxtaposition has carried through my feelings about life, and shows in my paintings of characters from Paris Hilton to Frankenstein to Judith. This is because although there have been some really shitty people in my life, and I know people who have done some horrible things, I have also known and been influenced by amazing people who were passionate about helping others and making a positive difference in the world. I’ve struggled with thinking that a cohesive body of work will include one kind of person, and have to remind myself that all these characters have the commonality that they have a moral story.