Saturday, March 29, 2008

here is my thesis paper so far... it still has a lot to go.

Describing the process of creating a body of work is difficult because I have a great number of influences coming from different directions. These influences are from other artists and works, music (which I’m listening to constantly), people I know, and the stories I’m told through these sources. I paint and draw to examine shades of grey literally and on paint, what can be done on canvas or paper, human interaction, binary opposites, people’s feelings about themselves and the way they treat others, monsters, to reflect my feelings about myself and those around me, and the morals of good stories.

I get very angry at other people’s negative actions, lack of critical thinking skills, ignorance, and apathy. I often feel disappointed, and feel like I have the personality of a bitter old man, joking about how I hate everyone. I’ve shared my canvas with characters are positive influences, and ones that I see as negative influences. I also examine myself critically in comparison to these characters. Am I good influence of a bad influence to those around me? Am I skinny as the girls in Hollywood? No, but do I have the brains and strength that I admire in historical figures? Maybe. Although it might be wrong of me to judge these people, I am also constantly judging myself. Recovering my own negative feelings towards myself, recovering from bulimia, and personal grudges towards people has lead me to releasing my energy in positive ways such as art, music, and running and weightlifting. I rely on these elements equally to keep me sane.

Growing up listening to punk and hardcore music, and being in those communities might have been the seed that planted my anger towards a lot of people, but it is also what helped me through my teenage years and is still helping me now. This music has an overall philosophy about lost faith in humanity, but lots of the music is also about helping each other, and making a positive difference in the world. This juxtaposition has carried through my feelings about life, and shows in my paintings of characters from Paris Hilton to Frankenstein to Judith. This is because although there have been some really shitty people in my life, and I know people who have done some horrible things, I have also known and been influenced by amazing people who were passionate about helping others and making a positive difference in the world. I’ve struggled with thinking that a cohesive body of work will include one kind of person, and have to remind myself that all these characters have the commonality that they have a moral story.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

also, as a late addition to my thesis...

I was thinking about releasing my own sex tape.

Maybe I would wear a wig. And slutty heals, and a lot of makeup.

I could show it with my paintings somehow.

But then mom couldn't be invited.

here are 3 bands i was listening to and it was kind of ironic, and i've listened to them so much it's not ironic anymore.





La Bouche

Ace of Base
Real McCoy


They remind me of summer 2006, and that summer was sweet and fun as hell.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I might get a haircut


I might cut my hair into a bob so it looks like this again. This is because my mom always said you shouldn't have long hair if you don't take care of it. I don't take care of it. I want to wake up in the morning, and go out the door with bed head and nobody will notice. I can't do that anymore, and it's getting kind of annoying. Plus, if I don't do it now then I might become emotionally attached to my long hair. I hate it when girls become consumed or attached to their hair and can't do anything with it or cut it or dye it.
Also, bobs are revolutionary. Think Velma Kelly from Chicago. The twenties were roaring and girls cut their hair and shortened their skirts and did whatever the hell they wanted. This is because they didn't have to spend as much time worrying about looking feminine, and grooming their long annoying hair. Obviously I'm over simplifying, but I'm tired and wanted to tie some of the reasons why I love bobs together.


My point is bobs are sexy as hell and easy to take care of.

hoppppy easter









easter 044


easter 044
Originally uploaded by mayybe_baby
I ate yummy vegan jamaican at Shandals

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I just saw the movie "Death at a Funeral"


The movie is directed by Frank Oz, who also did "the muppets take Manhattan" and "What about Bob," I LOVE "What about Bob."
Anyway, this movie was ridiculously funny and I laughed the whole time. Then again, I like stupid jokes, but I also think a lot of them were subtle, which was great. I think the subtle jokes were the funniest. The actors just had to make a face and I laughed. I'm pretty sure that I laughed non stop. Josh definitely giggled a few times too, and he hates British comedy.
There was a lot of humorous tension, and a lot of awkward moments. However, aside from some major mishaps, a lot of what happens in this movie is true at real funerals and family functions in general.
It's a little politically incorrect, so if that bothers you then I wouldn't suggest watching it.

Friday, March 21, 2008

home sweet home!!!!!!!!!!
i love easter bunnies
and naps in my own bed
and vegan jamaican
and jasmine green tea
and house shows at new hawaii
and my dog
and hikes and being attacked by hawks
and real friends
and easter egg coloring
and easter baskets
and why? at bar
and tofurkey dinner
and headrubs and backrubs and buttrubs
and the beach to see easter seals?
and free movie coupons for the video store
and sunny 50 degree days
and having a copilot to pick music
and learning and reading and photographing
and the shepard fairey portrait of obama in my new issue of juxtapoze
oh and DID I MENTION BUNNIES??????

I'm going to have awesome pictures of this weekend sooooooon

seriously though, school and massachusetts can get f'd

Thursday, March 20, 2008

My drawings are coming out sweet! pictures are coming! My watercolor paintings look sweet too. I'm home and I'm pumped about that because I love hanging out at the record store, and with my dog and my family. I'm pumped for Why? at bar, and I'm pumped for tofurkey and I love Easter and Easter bunnies. Easter is def my favorite holiday. The easter bunny kicks Santa's ass in my book, and I like coloring eggs more than presents.

My friend Erik suggested Numi tea to Josh, and I just got Jasmine Green tea from Numi and it's good too. I'm going to drink tea, do homework, and hang out with friends this weekend. I'm psyched!

Tomorrow is vegan Jamaican food at Shandals in Bridgeport, and hiking.

my friend Danny told me about this website www.happycow.com which has reviews of all kinds of vegetarian restaurants anywhere in the country.

Lots of things to be pumped on!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

I'm working on my spring mix, and it's probably the most aggro mix I've ever made (especially for spring). I'm trying to tone it down.

Monday, March 17, 2008

when you're under stress it's good to know your priorities

Here are my short term goals:
-Finish my 4 paintings (3 are almost done) for thesis, and finish 9 drawings (3 are in progress) for thesis as well... this isn't as bad as it sounds because the last 2 i did i banged out in 2 weeks roughly.
-lift weights every other day, cardio every day- i NEED to make time to do this because i need my ass and my boobs back and I want my dikey arm muscles back and I started this week and i am SO weak it's retarded. I can't lift anything.
-eat healthy, not starve when I'm unhappy
-read books. I just got "if you liked school you'll love work" by irvine welsh (author of trainspotting), "American Skin" by Don Grazia, "black mass" that book about the fbi and the irish mob, and "public enemies" by bryan burrough. I am also STILL reading the John Josef autobiography. Josh has "world war Z" which I want to read, he also has the anthony bordaine book.
-keep friendships with people who are GOOD influences and GOOD people. That's it.
-listen to more music!! I'm keeping up to date with what's going on in indie and hardcore because that's stuff that really matters to me. How do I forget about music when that's what gets me through? Especially friends who have great taste in music, and a boyfriend who owns a record store I have no excuse not to listen to ridiculous amounts of music.
-last but not least it is so important that i amend things with josh. he is honestly the best person i know and he's my favorite person and i want things to be happy and normal again. We've been together since last tuesday. everything takes time...

Haha that is our "prom" picture. I love that cow dress and he hated that mustard blazer. I had to threaten him to put it on but he doesn't look too bummed, right? That is normal and good, and that's how it will be soon enough.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

i am the laziest chef/vegetarian ever

here is a quick snack when you are a lazy vegetarian who hates doing dishes, doesn't want a lot of calories, and has no time:

buffalo tofu pup

heat tofu pup (60 calories) in microwave for 30 seconds
put buffalo sauce and whatever else on slice on bread (70 calories)
take tofu pup and put it on the bread

60 seconds later that's your snack! Except I made 2 so it's more like a lunch.

yay!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I really like the band Why? They're pretty sweet. I've been trying to listen to more hip hop and music that's not hardcore. I can't see them in CT because I have to work. But possibly in North Hampton or Cambridge.
http://www.myspace.com/whyanticon

I'm excited this new book by john joseph of the Cro-Mags

I like his rants, I'm vegetarian, and I like fitness and eating healthy. It's too bad this book doesn't have a release date yet.



NEW BOOK - "MEAT IS FOR PUSSIES" by Jon Joseph


INTRODUCTION

Who propagated this bullshit that meat makes you macho? My guess is it’s the same big business assholes that told you the Marlboro man was a stud. Eating defenseless animals doesn’t make you tough numbnuts. It makes you a coward. You wanna eat meat? Instead of purchasing factory killed, slickly packaged animal parts, have some balls and try this: Go out to the woods or jungle, tear down an animal with your bare hands, rip it apart and eat it. I guarantee you you’ll find out just what a big pussy you are because you’ll get your ass handed to you like some idiot on that TV show "When Animals Attack."

I’ve met so many weight lifter Neanderthals over the years that were like, "Yo, I need meat, it makes me aggressive." Or my favorite, the protein myth, "Yo, where do you get your protein from guy?" as if the only source for protein is dead, rotting carcasses. In reality there are dozens of sources of protein that doesn’t require the systematic incarceration, torture, and finally, slaughter of animals. And as far as aggression, I know some vegetarians that will rip your fuckin’ head off in a New York minute.

These people have all bought into the lies and propaganda put out there by the douche bags running the meat industry who are some of the most powerful lobbyists in the U.S. Do you remember that bullshit ad campaign they ran a while ago? "Beef it’s what’s for dinner…" yeah, and cancer, arterial sclerosis, high blood pressure, impotence, as well as dozens of other meat-eating related diseases… that’s your karmic dessert.

I’m sick of people, who are either ignorant of the facts, or even worse, have hidden agendas, dissing vegetarians because we care about animals and the environment. What do you want to live in a barren wasteland dick wad? Now, just so we get off on the right foot here I want you to know my background. I’m not some new age, macro-psychotic wimp trying to get you to eat your sprouts. Most new age people make me fucking puke. The fact is I’ve probably had a harder life then 90% of you out there. Just read my first book, "The Evolution of a Cro-Magnon." I survived orphanages, abusive foster homes, boy’s homes, NYC’s mean streets in the mid-seventies at 14, shootings, stabbings, lock-ups, drug addiction, homelessness, the music business and the list goes on. So if anyone knows a thing or two about being tough and fighting on it’s me. What I’m giving you in this book is a no-holes-barred, New York style beat down for your brain cells on real health and real nutrition, and I’m not pulling any punches.

To be honest I don’t blame you carnivorous fuckers for being turned off to a vegetarian diet by the looks of a majority of vegetarians. The first thing meat-eaters say to me is, "Damn, you’re a vegetarian?" I know what they mean. Most vegetarians look like weak-as-fuck string beans. But I’ve been at this a long time, almost 30 years, and I’m as physical as they come. On any given day it’s not at all uncommon for me to run ten miles, hit the gym, pump some weights, then hit the bags for another hour. As a matter of fact just last year in ’07, I ran the Marine Corps Marathon and I beat every fucker in the running crew I ran with, some of whom were almost half my age. Their reaction as they crossed the finish line to find me cooled off enjoying a snack, "Damn old man…"

At 45 I’m still a stage diving, triathlete maniac and I attribute the longevity to two things… consistency in my training and the most important, proper food choices. Over the years I’ve worked out at so many gyms and watched trainers instructing people and the one thing I find ridiculous is most of these guys don’t know shit about nutrition. I mean, at one old school gym on the Lower East Side I had this Puerto Rican bodybuilder tell me Alpo-burgers are great protein and if its good enough for his pit bull, its good enough for him. That’s an extreme case, but you get my point. If you aren’t hip to what the fuck you’re putting in your body it’s like trying to light a fire (training), but constantly throwing water on it at the same time with what you’re stuffing your face with.

That’s why in this book, the first thing I’m going to do is tell you exactly what all that shit your eating is really doing to your body. Then I’m going to show you alternatives, even show you how to cook great tasting meals and give you a seven-day work out and meal plan. Notice I don’t use the word diet… diets are for pussies. If you’re tired of being an Atkins’, Jenny Craig, or Weight Watcher-type diet pussy, man up because this book is for you. But, on the other hand if you’re happy with your yo-yo diets and calorie counting like a fat chick in her Curves calorie class, return my book and continue on with your chronic pussy-ism.

I’ll show you what’s worked for me as well as so many others I’ve turned on to this knowledge. Remember, the first part of learning is to keep an open mind and try new things. It’s all about live foods, whole foods, green foods, energy producing foods, foods that have their enzymes in tact, plant based protein foods that don’t put strain on your body’s organs to digest them, and most importantly, foods that taste amazing and are 100% meat-free.

Make no mistake about it; my intention is to get all you Joe-meat-and-potato-head fuckers to stop eating meat for your own sake. That’s why I put some kick-ass, easy to make, nutrient rich meals in the back of this book and some super-food recommendations as well, that will kick you, your metabolism and your libido into overdrive.

If you take advantage of this knowledge and combine it with a good exercise regiment, you’ll become an unstoppable force to be reckoned with instead of a two-pump-chump in the gym, and the bedroom. The choice is yours, you can continue on your path of debilitating health, being weak, tired and miserable, or listen up to what your woman’s been telling you all along, "It’s about longevity" and just in case you didn’t know it, meat not only affects your endurance down the road, but your schlong as well! Ah, now I got your attention, don’t I fucker? Read on and you’ll find out how.

I decided to pen this book at the urging of people I’ve given advice to over the years who were like, "Damn bro, this is easier than I thought." No shit Sherlock. I use the acronym K.I.S.S. as my mantra… Keep It Simple Stupid. It ain’t rocket science. I studied this for almost 30 years and besides having a degree from The University of the Streets in Ass-Kicking-101, I know my info on health better than lots of people in the health field. Bottom line… most doctors are pussies. Why you ask? Because they don’t deal in prevention they just want to sell you the drug company’s medicine to treat the disease. Very expensive medicine I might add. See that’s because there’s no money in the cure. If you’re healthy most of them are out of work, that’s why there’s practically no research conducted in preventive medicine i.e. herbs and natural foods. The FDA is even trying to make herbs & whole food vitamins illegal. Do they suck wooly-mammoth balls or what? So it’s up to you… you can continue to be a pussy and fuck yourself up, or you can be a real man and pull up your pants.

With my approach I always try to be a little philosophical. As such I hope I don’t overload any brain cells here by quoting the late Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "Somewhere along the line of our development we discover what we really are, and then we make our decision for which we are responsible. Make that decision primarily for yourself because you can never live anyone else’s life." Exactly fella’s, it’s all about you making lifelong changes, and you never retreating back to a life of unhealthiness. Every journey in life starts with a first step. The first step on this journey is to understand that as the harmful effects of meat take a toll on your body…. YOU WILL BECOME A PUSSY.