sometimes, when I'm with my boyfriend, and I mention how cute a passing baby is, my boyfriend hits me. He thinks it means I'm going to sabotage him with pregnancy.

Dear summer,
You're not even here yet! Chill out (haha, get it?)! I have swamp ass because it's so hot!eeeewbut I'm wearing a dress that makes by boobs look good.
no love,Jenn

Dear New Haven Police,
IT was sooo cute because a policeman on a bike said "hey how are you?" to me today while he passed by, and he had a nice ass.It was NOT cute that I got to my car at 11:53 and I got a ticket at 11:49.Booooo.
No love,Jenn

If I knew half of what you knew about writing poetry...

I WOULD WRITE ONE ABOUT MY DOG

i have
a little dog
named bean

she goes for walks
and makes a poop
on the lawn

and when she's done
she wants to have fun
since she pottied outside
and not in the house

I'm starting to write "if i knew half of what you knew" jokes...

If I knew half of what you knew I would be legally retarded
If I knew half of what you knew I wouldn't have graduated college
If I knew half of what you knew I would have baked a cake!